Why Young People Feel They Must Become “Somebody”

Recently in Japan, it seems that more and more young people feel the urge to become “someone.”

If they don’t become something special—an influencer, a creator, an entrepreneur—it can feel as though their lives have no value in this society.

I must admit that I, too, desperately want to become “someone.”
Is this simply a desire for recognition?
Perhaps—but it also feels different from that.

In this article, I want to explore where this feeling of wanting to become someone comes from, drawing on both social structures and my own experiences.

The Loss of a “Place to Belong”

Many young people in modern Japan feel little sense of belonging.

In the past, it was considered natural to get married, build a family, and belong to a company as a full-time employee.
But today, more young people no longer wish to belong to such communities, and those values are beginning to shift.

One reason is that both marriage and stable employment are increasingly perceived not as security, but as high-cost and high-risk commitments.

The Risks of Marriage

In Japan, about one in three marriages ends in divorce.

Even among the remaining two-thirds, many couples stay together only because of reasons like children or financial circumstances.

Today, social media platforms like X and online forums are filled with people expressing regret about marriage.
As a result, the hardships of married life have become more visible to younger generations.

For example, many couples today rely on dual incomes.
In such busy lives, conflicts arise over housework distribution, differences in values, and countless other issues.

It is not easy for two strangers to live together as a single unit.
Sometimes one has to sacrifice personal time.

Many people also grew up watching their own parents and learned that marriage does not necessarily equal happiness.

On top of that, in today’s era of rising prices, even if people marry, having children is far from easy.
(In Japan, there is still a strong social expectation that having children should happen within marriage.)

Even when children are born, the challenges of parenting can be overwhelming.
There is no way to predict what difficulties may arise—developmental disorders, bullying, social withdrawal, and more.

People often say marriage is a gamble.
In a world where social media constantly exposes these struggles, it is hardly surprising that more young people feel little hope about marriage.

The Risks of Becoming a Full-Time Employee

In Japan, belief in the stability of full-time employment is still strong.
However, that belief is also beginning to change.

Becoming a full-time employee usually means greater responsibility, yet salaries do not increase proportionally.
There is also constant pressure from unavoidable overtime.

As a result, many people develop adjustment disorders or depression due to stress.
In fact, this has almost become normalized as part of society.

Seeing such harsh working conditions firsthand, it is natural that more young people think:

“If it means sacrificing my mental and physical health, I don’t want to become a full-time employee.”

In a country like Japan, where stability has long been valued, the growing reluctance toward marriage and full-time employment may simply reflect the limitations of the social system itself.

The Price of Freedom

As the disadvantages of traditional life paths become increasingly visible, the once-taken-for-granted idea of belonging to a community is beginning to change.

In the past, family or company often served as a person’s identity.
Today, however, the cost and risks of obtaining such a “place to belong” feel too high.

Yet when people let go of those identities and gain freedom, they must also create their own value by themselves.

As a result, they are haunted by the intense anxiety that they must become someone.

A Life Without a Sense of Belonging

Looking at these broader social trends, I sometimes feel that my own inability to develop a strong desire for belonging was partly a modern dilemma.

Perhaps I was simply more sensitive than most people to the rising cost of belonging in society.
In reality, I struggle with heavy responsibilities and inescapable obligations.
For me, the security of belonging and the responsibility that restricts freedom feel like a trade-off.
Coexisting with others while accepting friction requires enormous energy for me.
Of course, being with people can feel reassuring, and being alone can sometimes feel lonely.
But the fear of losing my freedom and the suffocating feeling of having to constantly adjust to others outweigh that.

Looking back, I realize that I rarely had a place that truly felt like home.
My family was not a safe place, surrounded by a toxic parent and a brother with whom I constantly fought.
School also felt like nothing more than a place adults forced me to attend.
As an adult, I changed jobs countless times, yet the sense of discomfort never disappeared.
In the end, I never found a job that truly felt like my place, and eventually developed adjustment disorder.

Because of these experiences, I began to feel more at ease being alone than trying to adapt to others.

At the same time, having no affiliation at all makes me feel as though I contribute nothing to society—
as if my existence is suspended in midair.
That feeling is uncomfortable in its own way.

Perhaps that is why I sometimes feel a kind of compulsion that I must become someone.

If people needed me and I could fully use my abilities, there would be no need to prove my worth.

But even without a place to belong, if I could become someone special, society might recognize me and grant me a kind of “permit to exist.”

In other words, I may simply be seeking a tool that allows me to exist with peace of mind.

Developmental Disorders and the Desire to Prove Myself

Since childhood, my developmental disorder made it difficult to do what others considered “normal.”
At school, I was always the problem child.

In Japan especially, conformity is strongly expected.
The moment someone behaves differently, they are immediately “corrected.”

In reality, I was scolded almost daily, as if made an example of.
Part of me believed I was defective.
Yet at the same time, being forced to do things I never wanted to do—and then judged for it—felt humiliating and deeply unfair.
Being whipped to run along a rail I never chose was unbearable.

Perhaps because of that frustration, I now feel a strong urge to prove that the “useless me” from those days was never actually useless.
If I become someone, it will feel as though I can finally say:

“You were the ones who were wrong.”

Such powerful complexes and rebellious feelings may also transform into a strong desire for recognition from society.

A Society That Allows People to Exist

Perhaps the young people who want to become “someone” also carry dissatisfaction toward the world.

But in truth, if we lived in a society where no one was denied simply for existing—even without special titles or achievements—people would not suffer from this kind of anxiety.

Unfortunately, the world is not that kind.
Society still revolves around evaluation and status.
As long as that remains the case, it is difficult to escape this cycle of suffering.

Even if the world does not accept us, perhaps life would feel easier if we could at least accept ourselves.

But most people are not that strong.
As social beings, it is natural to seek the sense of security that comes from belonging.

Conclusion

In the end, are we forced to choose between:
• the security that comes with constraints, or
• the freedom that comes with anxiety?

For now, that is the only bleak conclusion I can reach.

Those who have become “someone” probably did not set out with the goal of becoming “someone.”

More likely, they simply pursued what they loved with sincerity—and eventually became someone as a result.
Becoming someone was never meant to be a tool to prove one’s existence.

Yet many young people struggle with this unresolved conflict.

Will there ever come a time when people truly believe that it is okay to exist even without being useful to others?

Until that day arrives, we will probably continue to struggle—
caught between entanglement and security, freedom and anxiety.