What Happened When I Went to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Despite Having Adjustment Disorder

Going to the Gym for Recovery

I’ve been struggling with adjustment disorder for the past few months.

No matter how much I sleep, I never feel rested. My lower back and upper back are constantly stiff and aching, and the fatigue is overwhelming.

Still, I knew I couldn’t stay like this. I decided to start exercising.
Fortunately, I was at least able to move my body, so I dragged my heavy limbs to the gym.

At first, I stayed only about 10 minutes.
A little light strength training, then five minutes on the stationary bike.

I had been doing light workouts even before my condition worsened, so this much felt manageable. It was only ten minutes, but after moving my body, the fatigue seemed to ease slightly.

Each visit, I gradually increased the time.

The hardest part was getting there — and the first few minutes after arriving. I felt exhausted and miserable. But once I kept moving for a while, the heaviness slowly lifted and I could function again.
It was painful at first, but it felt like forcibly flipping a switch on.

The Power of Music

During these workouts, I blasted high-energy music through my earbuds.
Probably terrible for my ears, but I needed to raise my motivation by force.

Music is powerful.

I used to hate the treadmill and stationary bike in silence — I’d get bored instantly. But with music pumping, I could surprisingly enjoy it.

Interestingly, when a song truly lifted my mood, I could increase the machine’s speed without hesitation.
When I got hyped up, I suddenly felt an uncontrollable urge to move.
If the song didn’t hit, though, I’d feel tired and want to slow down.

The body is honest. And fascinating.

All That Power

As I kept going to the gym, I eventually found myself exercising for over an hour. That was real progress.

The weights I was lifting steadily increased. And I realized something surprising: for a Japanese woman, I’m actually quite strong. Especially my lower body — it might even be stronger than some of the men around me.

One day, while happily adding more weight to the machine, a thought crossed my mind:

“It would be a waste not to do jiu-jitsu with this kind of power.”

Nearly ten years ago, I practiced Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
I only trained for about a year before quitting due to various reasons, but I was hooked. I even won a white-belt tournament. (There were only three competitors, though. 😅)

Still, after being away for so long, I had my doubts.
Jiu-jitsu is said to be relatively safe, but it’s still a combat sport. Sprained fingers, joint injuries — small injuries happen all the time.
It had been years. My body must have declined.

But letting this strength go to waste felt wrong.

Since developing adjustment disorder, I had also quit my job and lost my connection to society. Maybe joining some kind of community was exactly what I needed.

The more I thought about it, the more motivated I became.

A quick Google search showed several gyms nearby. Jiu-jitsu has definitely become more mainstream.
After some hesitation, I signed up for a trial class at the closest one.

Back at the Academy

On the day of the trial, as I arrived at the academy, a man made eye contact and greeted me. He turned out to be the instructor.

He looked like an ordinary office worker — humble, calm, polite.

Not just him — many jiu-jitsu instructors in Japan don’t look like stereotypical “hardcore fighters.” Most seem quiet and unassuming.
There’s something cool about that — ordinary-looking people who are actually combat experts.
Maybe in jiu-jitsu, the talented hawk hides its claws.

After filling out the paperwork, I changed into a rental gi.
Wearing one again after eight years felt strangely fresh.

The technique portion began. Warm-ups and stretching were apparently done individually before class.

The techniques were complex, and honestly, I understood almost nothing at first. I used to forget complicated moves easily back then too — and time hadn’t magically improved that.

My partner was a purple belt, clearly experienced. He patiently guided me step by step.
Still, it felt overwhelming. I couldn’t imagine pulling this off in a real sparring match.

But rolling around on the mat again was undeniably fun.

Sparring After Eight Years

After about 30 minutes of technique drills, it was time to spar.

I love sparring. Full adrenaline. Exploding energy. Moving at full intensity clears my head and relieves stress.

But I’m nearly 40 now. It had been eight years. And I have adjustment disorder.
Could I really handle this?

My first opponent was the only blue-belt woman in class. She was small — probably 10 kg (22 lbs) lighter than me, at least two weight classes below.

As soon as we started, I overwhelmed her.

To my surprise, my body still remembered the movements.
All that training hadn’t been wasted.

But I forgot how to finish.

After taking mount, I froze.
What do I do from here again?

Meanwhile, she desperately tried to escape. Even with the weight difference, maintaining position was exhausting.

I didn’t get a submission.
Still, not bad for eight years off.

Sparring felt much harder than I remembered. I couldn’t believe I used to do four or five rounds in a day. I rested the next five minutes.

Then I rolled with a brown belt. He stayed mostly defensive and allowed me to attempt submissions repeatedly.
Usually that might feel unsatisfying, but I was already tired — it was perfect.

Gradually, the finishing techniques came back.
Armbar. Triangle choke. Rear-naked choke.
The body remembers what it practices repeatedly.

We finished the round, and that was it — three rounds total. For someone rusty and not fully healthy, that was enough.

Exhausted, I chatted briefly with the instructor afterward. I had considered visiting other gyms, but the location and atmosphere felt right. I took the application form and said I’d email later.

Something Felt Wrong

I was exhausted. I went home, ate lunch, and slept for two hours.

When I woke up, I felt pain from my left armpit down to my lower back. It hadn’t hurt earlier. Maybe I overdid it.

But I had only sparred with someone lighter and someone mostly defensive.
Was this age? Or my condition?

I hadn’t stretched properly either.

For months, I’ve had chronic back and lower-back pain. Probably due to autonomic nervous system imbalance and muscle tension. I thought it was just “mental,” but my back was genuinely stiff.

Doing unpredictable, explosive movement with a rigid body? Of course that risks injury.

I also realized something during strength training: my right side is weaker. My left side engages more naturally. When one side is weaker, the other compensates — and gets overused.
I probably overloaded my left side.

Still, I hadn’t expected injury so quickly.

At first, it felt like normal muscle soreness. But the pain intensified, especially in my lower back. I couldn’t even get out of bed without difficulty. Eventually, I forced myself up and took a painkiller.

After lying down, it started to work. Why hadn’t I taken it sooner?

The next morning, surprisingly, the pain wasn’t worse. I felt relieved.

But my ribs still hurt. Coughing sent sharp pain through my side. Even laughing hurt.

Then it hit me.

I probably cracked a rib.
That’s at least a month to heal.

Safety First

I had been debating whether to continue jiu-jitsu once the pain subsided. Now my motivation was gone.

Sure, I could spar lightly — but once I start, I get excited. Holding back is hard.
And worrying about injury takes the fun out of it.

It’s disappointing. I was finally feeling strong again.

But when you injure your body, daily life suffers. And with adjustment disorder, being unable to move would be even more damaging.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a demanding combat sport. Maybe it was simply too much for me right now.
(Or maybe trying it in this condition was the mistake.)

So for now, I’ve decided to quietly continue going to the gym instead.

This experience taught me firsthand that when your body isn’t fully ready, you’re far more prone to injury.

If you’re playing sports, please — take care of yourself.