My Body Just Stopped Working

Nothing showed up on the tests.
But my body stopped working anyway—and I had no choice but to stop too.

When My Health Suddenly Declined

Recently, my health has been terrible.
I’ve been away from work for almost a month.
For the past two weeks, I haven’t even had the energy to write a blog post.
Before that, I was writing every single day.

Giving Up on Work Because I Don’t Know When I’ll Recover
I was a temporary worker, but I’ve already given up on renewing my contract.
I mean… I don’t even know when I’ll recover.
I’ve been prone to health issues for years, but lately it feels like something inside me just snapped.

My body simply refuses to move.

I Can No Longer “Push Through” Like Before

I used to be able to force myself to go to work even when I felt sick,
but now I can’t push myself at all.
I can still manage basic chores, but only by dragging my body through them.
I get so irritated from the exhaustion that I don’t even feel like myself.
I don’t have any savings, so this is really not the time to be taking time off work…
but in this state, I can’t do anything.

There’s no way I can get on a packed train, commute to the office, and work for seven hours.

I hate the guilt.
I hate feeling weak.

But there’s nothing I can do.

Perfect Test Results, Zero Answers

Of course, I went to the hospital.
I did all the tests—bloodwork, urine tests, an EKG, X-rays.
Everything came back normal.
Perfect, even.
Which should be good news, but…
how can everything be “normal” when I feel this awful?
Work was stressful, sure, but it’s not like my mental health completely collapsed.

Both ChatGPT and Gemini tell me it’s autonomic nervous system dysfunction.

The Frustration of an Illness That Leaves No Numbers Behind

The problem is, the autonomic nervous system doesn’t show abnormalities in blood tests.
There’s no number that proves something is wrong.
It feels so vague and hard to believe.
And until some “real” abnormality shows up, people around me don’t believe it either.

“Maybe you should get checked properly?”

I’ve heard that more times than I can count.

I have been checked.
But even with perfect test results, not being able to work makes me feel like maybe I’m just weak… or making excuses.

Living in Japan, it always feels like someone is watching you.
It makes you criticize yourself without even realizing it.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t push myself.
I don’t even feel the desire to.

And if I force myself now, I might end up actually depressed.

Deciding to Apply for Sickness Benefits

So, I decided to apply for sickness benefits (Shōbyō Teate).

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